First Demonic Dragon

Again, Abaddon was having a nice night.

And to be honest, it also seemed like the humans his children brought over were enjoying themselves too.

Actually, the pink-haired girl Serana had left quietly with Apophis some time ago, so he didn't know how she was feeling.

But something told him that she definitely wasn't miserable.. and that was the full sum of information that he would allow himself to know.

The game had ended about an hour ago, and now everyone was kind of just shooting the breeze and snacking.

Darius was still throwing a temper-tantrum, so he was the only one pretending like he was watching the sports recap.

Again, things were going smoothly with no signs of interruption anywhere.

At least they were, until their group's most problematic member decided to remind everyone that he had that title for a damned good reason.

"Hey, boy! Are those trinkets just for show or what?"

One could almost here the unanimous clicking of teeth that followed in the aftermath of another of Satan's outbursts.

"Uncle…" Abaddon warned.

Several more voices spoke out to attest to their displeasure with the former demon lord, but not one of them actually seemed to make him care about what he was doing.

"What, I can't test the waters a little bit? If the kid walks in here with godslayer weapons on his wrists, then I should be allowed to ask about them!" Satan reaffirmed.

The object of his current fascination were the two gold and silver bracelets that Malachi wore while he drank.

They weren't super obnoxious or anything out of the ordinary, but everyone in here already knew the truth.

These pieces of jewelry were actually weapons- made from the body of a long dead god.

Malachi was mildly buzzed after drinking a glass of water with a drop of alcohol in it.

He didn't know how the conversation had suddenly turned to him, and was barely sober enough to notice the lingering sense of exasperation that everyone in the room had suddenly developed.

"He didn't come here to be scrutinized by you." Abaddon reminded. "Sit down, stop bothering him."

"For fucks sake, little nephew, you're sounding more like that brat's mother than Nyx does. He's an adult who can speak for himself. Can't you, kid?" Satan smiled eerily.

Malachi was still unsure of what exactly was going on, so he was kind of just drinking while keeping his eyes and ears open.

"…I can." He shrugged.

"There, you see! So you can all stop being a bunch of mouth breathing menstruators and let me talk to the kid man to man!"

"I'm sorry, what was that, Great Uncle?" Thea cracked her lips unkindly.

The men in the room looked away prematurely- already sensing danger.

"Don't be such a big softie, Thea. I know you don't sleep with men, but the way we talk is just the way we talk and you're going to have to-"

Satan was suddenly opened from his belly button to his nostrils like a hoagie bun.

Jasmine notched a flaming arrow in the air and fired it directly into his heart; immolating him in bright purple flame.

Malachi sobered up very quickly.

Aubrey and Aisha were satisfied and horrified at the same time.

"T-This doesn't even tickle..!" Satan spat back.

The men who hung around him every week knew that he was lying. Jasmine's flames hurt like hell.

Thea and Jasmine left in a huff not long after that. They took Aubrey and Aisha along with them.

Mateo pulled out a bag of marshmallows from behind the counter and materialized a few sticks from magic.

He then started roasting marshmallows over the broiling demonic flame.

"Would you get the fuck away from me!?" Satan swatted.

Mateo sidestepped his arm as he put his now golden marshmallows between two graham crackers. "…I'm just going to say it. This is why you can't get laid."

"Piss off, dhampir! Sex is the overrated in the grand scheme blood and war!"

Absalom: "You only think that because you're bad at it."

"A moronic claim! You have nothing to base that on!!"

Asmodeus: "Morrigan told me about 2,000 years ago. She said she wouldn't lie with you again if you two were placed in the same coffin."

Malachi was definitely sober and alert now. Every five minutes he felt like he was hearing another big name here.

"You would take her word over mine?? Her resentment is CLEARLY causing her to spout inaccurate recollections of events!"

Zheng: "Oh? Well why don't we see about that.."

Everyone turned to stare at Abaddon, who was sipping his own drink casually.

He didn't even bother to look up from his phone as he texted his wives back.

"…You all know my policy. If you ask me to reveal private details of one of us against their will, then I get to spill the beans on three of you as well. Make your decision."

The men all looked amongst each other with gazes so serious you would think they were about to go to war.

Satan wasn't worried. There was no way that any of them were going to agree to-

Hajun: "We'll risk it."

"FUCK, WAIT!"

Abaddon's eyes briefly glowed pink.

"It was the single worst experience of her life. You were breathing so heavily in her face she felt like she was being mounted by a grizzly bear. You were too rough with her so she stopped you after six minutes."

"HA! What'd I tell you?!"

"All that grace as a fighter but none of it is in the bedroom!"

"Why're y'all laughing?" Abaddon raised a brow.

The men froze in their tracks as they waited for calamity to unfold.

"Hajun's developed an interest in piss play. That's why he always smells freshly showered every time he comes around now."

"Lad!!"

"Darius can't do it unless his wives rub his head first and tell him that he's a big man."

"I haven't even said anything!!"

"Hakon has been letting my sister peg him after they argue."

Hakon: "I am not ashamed."

Belphegor: "I knew you looked like the type."

Asmodeus: "I feel as if something inside of me has just died…"

Now that the men who didn't get exposed knew that they were safe, laughter quickly filled the air.

Loudest among them was Satan, who somehow felt as if no one would remember the fact that he had just been called out along with them.

"Ha! Looks like you fuckers have less room to judge than you thought!"

Iori: "My nephew didn't say that their partners were left unsatisfied though. You were the only one who failed to impress."

"I'm sorry, what was that? It sounded like you said you were tired of living."

"You seem a little upset right now, so I'll leave you alone for the time being."

Malachi let out a small snicker that was easily heard by the room full of divine beings.

Satan, who had gotten caught up in the chaos, walked in front of the young man while still on fire.

"Listen, kid, I'm in a shit mood right now., so I'm just going to cut to the chase. Since you're the newbie here, that means that you're missing out on a certain right of passage that everyone here has had to go through. A friendly little spar with yours truly."

Malachi raised a brow.

"Don't listen to this unsavory prick, Young Malachi. There is no right of passage, and Satan knows who he can try his bullying antics with and who he can't." Helios rolled his eyes.

"Care to say that again, you great golden geriatric?"

Helios Draven had never been scared to repeat himself in his entire god damn life.

He walked forward while pulling a cigar out of his robe pocket.

Placing it in his mouth, he leaned forward just enough to use Jasmine's purple flames to light his cigar.

"I said... You are-"

"I'll do it."

The room became so quiet they could've heard a pen drop all the way on earth at this point.

Everyone in the room just stared at Malachi like he had just confessed to liking piss play as well.

Experience tales at mvl

Abaddon was the most horrified to hear this.

"Look, Malachi... You don't need to pay Satan any mind. Your mother would flay me alive if she found out that I allowed you to fight this madman."

"Hahahaha! Ma must really be something, if she's even got someone like you worried about her reactions. I feel like a proud son."

Malachi stood up and tried to stretch all of the lingering alcohol out of his body.

"Preciate all the concerns, fellas, but I'm far from made of glass. I have my own family that I need to get better for, and my growth on my world has kind of stagnated. I won't run from learning experiences if they're placed right in front of me."

He walked up to Satan with a relaxed posture that could never be faked.

"You seemed mighty determined ever since I walked in. Maybe I can't beat you, but I hope you're not expecting me to let you run over me either...Someone's going tout you out first though, right?"