Ihoujin, Dungeon ni Moguru

Chapter 97: Honey And Elixir I

「What's that~?」

I was caught by Maria the moment I got back to the camp.

She stole one of the elixirs that I was carrying.

She's got a bad habit of stealing things. I'll have to scold her about it.

「It's an elixir that restores magic power. It tastes extremely bad and is dangerous, so give it back」

「It just so happens that I'm out of magic power, so I'm going to drink it」

「Oh, hey!」

Hmm, wait.

Maria is fine with eating salmiak licorice. Maybe……

「Gulp」

With childlike abandon, Maria drank the elixir in one go……

「Blerghhh」

……then retched it all back out.

With a thump, Maria slumped onto the plain.

「I'm sorry I was ever born」

「Are you okay?!」

It was hopeless. Her face was ghastly.

Putting the elixirs down on the plain, I held Maria in my arms.

「Anyone~」

I called out for help.

Rana came over.

「Oh, welcome back. You're back early」

「Sorry, Rana. Maria has collapsed, so please take care of her」

「Oh, what happened to you, Maria?」

「I stole something bad and drank it, then got struck down」

「Well, that's……」

Leaving Maria with Rana, I turned to retrieve the elixirs.

「Onii-chan, what are these?」

「They're elixirs that restore magic power. They taste very bad, and Maria just collapsed from drinking one」

My sister fiddled with one of the elixirs.

In her own way, this one is also curious in a troubling way.

「Come to think of it, Ea……」

「Hmm, what?」

「Have you heard of the name Gunmerry?」

King Lutz had mentioned something about the beastkin to the east. My sister used to hunt with them in the past. There's a chance that she might know something.

「How nostalgic. Where did you hear that from?」

「I heard it while I was in the city. What kind of people are they?」

「There's a song that's been passed down from generation to generation among the beastkin tribes in the east. It's often used to make the beastkin children cry. The song goes like this」

My sister started to sing in a clear voice.

The more you hit them, the more Gunmerrys you'll get? The more you burn them, the more Gunmerrys you'll get? The more you drown them, the more Gunmerrys you'll get?

Gunmerry, neither arrows, nor swords, nor magic works?

Gunmerry, creatures that never die? Gunmerry, creatures that eat anything?

Alone, it can't do anything, but with two, they attack wild beasts? With three, they build a home?

When there are four, they hunt pigs ?

No one really likes it when there are five?

When there are six, they have a grand party? When there are seven, they're in a great mood?

Once there are eight, there's a sense of disquiet? Once there are nine, they're at odds with one another?

When there are ten, they all hate it?

When there are eleven, they hate it even more?

When there are twelve, they sharpen their weapons?

Gunmerry, they'll kill one another? Gunmerry, they'll kill until just one remains? Gunmerry, there’s only one left?

Gunmerry, goes to sleep peacefully?

Next time it wakes up, it'll run amok?

It’ll go on a rampage that knows no bounds?

Jagshank, the hero troubled by this? Jagshank, the hero of beasts?

Sealed itin the depths of the forest?Sealed the Gunmerry?

Gunmerry? Gunmerry?

Never wake it, the Gunmerry?

The next time it wakes up, it’ll multiply more and more?

Gunmerry, creatures that eat anything? Gunmerry, creatures that eat even children?

If there are a hundred, they'll wither the forest?

If there are a thousand, they'll ruin the country?

If there are ten thousand, they'll destroy the world?

Gunmerry? Gunmerry?

Gunmerry? Gunmerry?

If that song holds any truth to it, those guys are super dangerous, aren't they?

On top of that, they're not in the forest, but in the city.

Is the Adventurers' Guild aware of this?

「Oh, it's been a long time since I sang, so I'm parched」

「Ea, that’s――?!」

My sister popped the cork off the bottle and took a gulp of the elixir.

「Obufuu」

She spewed it back out and fainted from the agony.

Already, two people had fallen victim to it.

Carrying the limp Ea in my arms, I went into the tent and laid her down next to Maria.

「Dear, what on earth happened?」

「It's because of these elixirs」

I handed the elixirs to Rana.

She's a cautious person. She won't easily――

「Eurgh」

For some reason, she drank it without pause.

「This tastes pretty awful, doesn't it?」

Rana made a face while clutching her mouth.

It seems that she had the sense to not drink enough of it to lose consciousness.

「Yeah, but before that, why did every single one of you drink it?」

「The taste is awful, but it smells just like honey, so I couldn't resist」

「What? The smell?」

I took one of the elixirs and smelled it.

Amidst the strong medicinal smell, there was the faintest hint of sweetness that smelled like honey. It was so faint that I wouldn't have noticed unless I was looking for it.

「Sorry, Rana, please look after the two of them. I need to work on making this drinkable」

「That sounds difficult. Good luck」

「Thanks」

Leaving Rana to take care of them, I worked on improving the elixir with Makina and Yukikaze.

I've never had so much trouble with a dish ever since coming to the alternate world.

「I've given up on making it taste good. First, we need to at least make it something that can be drunk without taking damage」

『Souya-san, Makina and Yukikaze aren't omnipotent』

『That's right』

「It's at that level, huh?」

It's currently 15:00.

We've tried all sorts of things.

We’ve tried mixing it with various seasonings, stewing it with ingredients, freezing, frying, and even distilling it.

It was all for naught.

It tastes bad.

The bad taste is too strong.

This elixir tastes really bad no matter what we try.

At times like this, it would be great if I could think of a good piece of advice from some culinary teacher, but as a hobbyist, I have no one like that.

And the A.I.s, my final hope, have given up.

I'm completely at a loss for what to do.

「Hmm………………we're stuck, aren't we? This request, I'll go back out of it tomorrow」

『Ehh~』

『Ehh~, indeed』

「This is beyond the scope of possibility. This elixir is too much for humanity」

『But, Souya-san, will you be able to abandon the request so easily?』

「No idea. It's that Guild President, so he might harass me incessantly about it」

『It can't be helped. ………Just this once! Makina will go to the Demon King for advice. Please prepare something to give as a gift』

「Alright, I'm counting on you」

I went into the food storage and put some of the bottled honey and the still-living bee larvae into a container.

Though I wore rubber gloves when taking the insects, it still gave me goosebumps.

I used to grab cicadas directly with my hands, but it's curious how people grow out of things as we grow older.

After wrapping up the gift with a piece of cloth, I handed it to Makina.

I also threw in one bottle of the elixir.

『Well then, Makina, heading out!』

「I'll pray for your safe return!」

『Safe return』

I returned Makina's salute with a salute of my own.

「Welcome back」

『Welcome back』

Makina had come back.

I was in the middle of making dinner.

I had decided to make pizza for dinner. The ingredients are tomatoes, bacon, onions, garlic, watercress, cheese, and honey, which is a bit of an incomprehensible combination that I have no idea will work or not.

The elixir may have messed up my taste buds a little bit.

『Souya-san, it was a fruitful trip!』

「As expected of Gormlaith-sama」

『Take a look at this!』

Makina held up a jar of bright red berries.

『Would you believe it, it's miraculin!』

「That’s an amazing-sounding name」

Wait, could this be……

『Yes, the miracle fruit exists in the alternate world too!』

「Oh, I remember now」

The miracle fruit has a protein that temporarily alters one's sense of taste. Just by rolling it around on the tongue for a while, sour things taste sweet instead.

It's a little late to say this, but there sure is a lot of overlap between the foodstuffs of the alternate world and the modern world.

How curious.

『Souya-san, make hay while the sun shines, time is money, and strike while the iron is hot. Give it a try right away!』

「Can't it wait till after dinner?」

『No』

「Why~~」

Makina was being weirdly pushy, so I complied.

I put one of the miracle fruit into my mouth, then rolled it around on my tongue while keeping an eye on the pizza.

Will I be able to tell what dinner tastes like after doing this? I don't like this one bit.

Makina set the table, prepared the plates, and lit the surrounding lanterns to give the camp more light.

The nights on the plain are dark.

However, there is tremendous beauty in this medieval sky that’s filled with twinkling stars.

「Souya, I've returned. I’ve bought some pork ribs on the bone」

Lanseal had returned.

Lars was helping her carry the bags.

Our king is also the baggage carrier, I see.

「Thank you. Put it in the food storage first. I'll marinate them in sauce later」

「Yes, understood」

「How much were they?」

「No, it's fine」

「Don't be silly. I'll pay for them」

Even if we're close, we still have to observe decorum.

In particular, issues involving money need to be handled properly. She's already working as a housekeeper for us without any pay. It would be shameful to let her pay for the expenses on top of that.

「No no no, it's really fine. By rights, I should be paying for the cooking lessons, but you won't accept it, so please let me do this much」

「No. I'll pay」

「I understand. It can't be helped」

I had convinced Lanseal.

「But I don't want money, so you'll have to pay me back in another way」

The moment Makina turned her back on us, she leaned in closer and kissed me on the corner of my mouth.

It lasted only an instant, but it left me with a lingering woman's scent, a moist feeling on my lips, and the fleshy sensation of her breasts against my shoulder.

Taking the bags from Lars, Lanseal disappeared in the direction of the food storage in a good mood.

「What?」

「Boo」

Lars was staring at me.

「No, Lanseal moved too quickly for me to react」

「………boo」

Lars gave me the stink eye, or at least, that was what it seemed like.

『Well then, Souya-san, it’s time to give it a taste』

Having gauged that enough time had passed for the miracle fruit to take effect, Makina held the elixir out to me.

「By any chance, did you see that?」

『To prevent the Makina-Pod from falling over, it’s equipped with sensors that give it a 3D view of all 360 degrees around it』

「You saw, didn’t you?」

『Makina would like to see a bit of Souya-san's cool side. Here, chug it, chug it?』

『Chug it, chug it, chug it!』

Even Yukikaze is jeering me on.

I hate this kind of thing, but I'd rather not have people saying strange things about me.

Having faith in the power of the miracle fruit, I downed the elixir in one shot.

「Oh, what? Hmm?」

The sourness is gone, and it tastes slightly sweet. Perhaps it's because of this, but there’s no bitterness either.

The smell stinging my nose is unpleasant, but it's just barely tolerable.

It's drinkable.

Miraculin is amazing!

『Woah!』

『Woah, indeed』

I had finished the elixir in one go.

This works. I'll be able to complete the request tomorrow. At this rate, the day after tomorrow――

「Urg, err」

My feet felt like jelly, and I couldn't even articulate my words.

『Warning, team member Souya, vitals dropping』

『Souya-san!』

Like a melted oil painting, my world contorted and swirled.

And then, darkness.

The only thing that I was able to comprehend was that I had collapsed.

【116th day】

I woke up with the usual comforting yet suffocating feeling.

I was alone with Rana in my tent. Before my eyes were her voluptuous twin mounds.

However, I had a feeling that something was off.

「Huh?」

It feels like her boobs are bigger than usual.

I'm very appreciative of that, but how did that happen in such a short time? Is it the honey?

Thinking that, I tried to check how they felt by fondling and massaging them.

「Hmm?」

It's different. No, they feel as wonderful to the touch as always. They're the greatest treasure of this world.

But in my hands, they feel even more ample than usual.

This isn't a matter of her boobs growing bigger.

It's my hands that have become smaller.

Leaping to my feet, I caught sight of my reflection in Rana's mirror.

「WHAT THE HELL IS THISSSS?!」

I screamed.

It was such a shock that my knees buckled.

『Souya-san! Have you realized it?!』

Makina rolled up the entrance to the tent.

「Ma, Maki, Makina, th, this is……」

『Please calm down. There’s nothing wrong with you health-wise. You've just become a little bit younger』

Reflected in the mirror was a shitty brat of about seven years old.

Without a doubt, it was me from the past.

Hahahaha, it’s the obligatory return to a child arc! I mean, it’s a harem story so it has to have one, right?! Roflmao!

With all that though, the song about Gunmerry is a bit ominous, isn’t it? And as you well know by now, songs/tales/stories in this world are always not as they seem and there’s always something deeper…

I was actually a bit sad to realize that, at a spot where Souya typically thinks of something his grandfather taught him, he now thinks that no one taught him cooking…

Also, how many of you caught the Gundam reference? This is probably the third one already and there will be many more Gundam tropes to come.

Well, stay tuned for the hilarity that ensures. Oh yes, there’s gonna be a lot of it. XD